bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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