I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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