u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
