A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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