I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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