I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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