He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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