you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
