I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize