He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
