He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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