Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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