I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
