Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
