I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
