The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
