Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
