ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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