She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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