Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
