She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
