Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
