just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Floor bacon is actually really good
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
