I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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