it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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