Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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