Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
