I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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