just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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