apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
