woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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