and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
