we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
