They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
