Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize