dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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