he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
