And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
