You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sex in a hospital.. check
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
