I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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