Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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