Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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