none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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