It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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