I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
