Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
