i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
