I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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