Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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