are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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