I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
