Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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