he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize