I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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