I wanna bring you to show and tell
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
