I smell stomach acid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Boobs are out for the taking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
