he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
