I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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