paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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