Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
