We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
