At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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