someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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