You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
