You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
