my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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