is your mom at the bar?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
