He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
